Forget Ibiza - the new holiday destination is Manchester! So you've been to Australia and New Zealand, you've done the bungee jumps and experienced the white water rafting... Well that's bollox...Salford Scally Adventure Anarchy... Salford's newest adventure holiday company has the ultimate holiday for the adrenalin junkie. When you arrive at Eccles bus/tram interchange you will be met by one of our representatives and transported in one of our fleet of Y reg Escort XR3i's complete with booming speakers and "on a mission" sticker logo on the back windscreen. First stop is Eccles Liberal Club for a welcoming flagon of cheap bitter. After the 3-hour bitter drinking ceremony, visitors will travel by illegal taxi's down into Monton for entertainment at the Blue Bell pub, where joints and grams of "powder" will be administered to our visitors. After the pub shuts, our visitors will be organised into groups of 3 and led by one of our representatives. The groups will then proceed to steal Ford Escorts and head to Trafford Park Industrial Estate, after high-speed car chases involving the Salford, Manchester Police force and helicopter. The stolen vehicles will then be ritually ignited. Police will then chase visitors on foot back across to the Eccles side of the river. Salford Scally Adventure Anarchy accepts no responsibility for visitors arrested by the police. Day 2 will begin with a sightseeing trip to Salford's famous Dutchy Road estate, followed by drinks at the Boar's Head at 10.30am. The fun continues at 3.30pm when all participants head to Langworthy Road council flats to score drugs. Visitors will be allowed to sell their bodies for sex or go 'robbing' should they have a problem with lack of money to buy smack. At 5.30pm all visitors will participate in daylight vandalism by spraying their names on all the bus shelters all the way down Eccles New Road into Salford Quays and then Liverpool Road back into Salford Precinct. At 6.30pm everyone will participate in glue sniffing in Shopping Giant car park in Irlams of the Height. At 7.30pm participants will congregate outside the old age pensioners homes drinking bottles of mad dog 20-20 and smoking skunk. Visitors are reminded that they must shout at the top of their voices and swear a lot during this period. At 8.30pm everyone will proceed to The East Lancs Road, where all are expected to participate in public urination from the overpass walkways. A fight will be arranged with some Swinton boys at 9.25 outside the Abra-kebabra on top Road. Afterwards, cars will be stolen and our merry entourage will head to "Bowlers" nightclub where members of the opposite sex will be invited to go to the car park for shagging in exchange for "Top Pills". At midnight everyone who hasn't copped off will meet at the bridge by the M62 and will engage in throwing bricks at passing traffic. At 3am a local off-licence will be targeted for burglary. Visitors are expected to concentrate their efforts on the cigarette counter. Everyone is expected to steal a car and make his or her own way home. Day 3 will be a "take it easy day" spent in our exclusive Penthouse Salford Precinct 18th Floor council flat doing bongs and watching porno films all day. Thrill seekers may wish to tag along for the nighttime activity of sharing dirty needles in a heroin taking session in a shooting gallery in Broughton. Your fourth day will begin with a brief visit to the Job Centre to "sign on". Visitors are encouraged to behave in an extremely loutish manner when visiting the Job Centre. At 10.30am everyone will congregate in the Barton Arms in Worsley to drink pints, wear Ben Sherman shirts, and do some acid in the bogs. When everyone starts tripping, we will proceed to the Bridgewater Canal tip to watch the clouds. The afternoon session will start with a trip to Steve the wanderer's Tattooing in Patricroft, where visitors will be able to get some souvenir tattoos done on their arses. Many of our previous guests have been very taken with the "British Bulldog" design. The final night will be spent in The Black Horse Pub on the Crescent where we will see some shite band of posh music students from adelphi who want to be Oasis. A bus load of Little Hulton boys will be there waiting for us and the evening will end with a traditional Salford fight outside Kwik-Fit. On your final morning, the trip to Chorlton Street Bus Station will begin with a pub-crawl all the way down through Salford and Manchester, culminating in a Hooch drinking frenzy in Piccadilly Gardens with the punks and tramps. Drug taking in the toilets in Burger King is optional. Farewells will then be said from me and the lads, and we'll look forward to seeing you next year....
