Another Gazza Thread A FEW THINGS PAUL GASCOIGNE HAS ACTUALLY DONE One hour after playing for England he met “showbiz pals” Danny Baker and Chris Evans in a Hampstead pub while still wearing his full kit, boots included. While attempting to deflect the “kebab controversy” which spelled the beginning of the end of his England career, he assured reports that his doner munching antics following Middlesbrough’s promotion to the Premiership would in no way affect this fitness before France 98. One reporter asked : “what do you feel like now ?”. Back came the inevitable response : “I feel like a kebab with onions”. On meeting the president of Denmark’s FA he pretended he could speak Danish. When invited to demonstrate he imitated The Muppet Show’s Swedish chef. Conned Jimmy “Five Bellies” Gardner into eating a mince pie after he’d scraped out the filling and replaced it with cat excrement. Walked into the Middlesbrough canteen wearing nothing but his training socks and ordered lunch. Took a documentary team to a beautiful Scottish cottage which he informed them was his new place. He pretended he’d forgotten his key and knocked instead. When the door opened, he told the befuddled housewife inside that he was doing a telly advert and wanted to know is she preferred Daz or Omo. Handed £1,000 over to Jimmy “Five Bellies” after betting that the burly boozer couldn’t withstand a cigarette lighter’s heat on the bridge of his nose for five seconds. Jimmy could. Twice. After briefly giving up drinking, he was advised to find a new interest. He picked bingo. Bought a robot for £1,000 and programmed it to travel into Jimmy Gardner’s room at Gazza Towers and announce : “Make a cup of tea, fat man”. He was asked to leave West Lodge Park Hotel in London after guests were treated to the sight of a naked “Five Bellies” swimming across the duck pond. Greeted reporters in Rome by standing up, asking for silence and then farting at ear splitting volume. While staying in a New Zealand hotel he was told there was no bacon on breakfast. He replied “what, all the sheep in this country and there’s no bloody bacon !”.
imagine waking up to this: Bought a robot for £1,000 and programmed it to travel into Jimmy Gardner’s room at Gazza Towers and announce : “Make a cup of tea, fat man”.
Legend, he ate a cockroach on Tim Lovejoys show last night too and when he was getting asked questions afterwards he was nearly spewing
